I type those words, and I cannot even believe that it has been an entire year since she passed away. Twelve months. 365 days. An entire calendar has been flipped through. It just doesn't seem possible. We've been through every "first" - her first birthday in heaven came just 11 days after she passed. As I write this, my emotions are every bit as raw as if it was just yesterday and not an entire year ago.
This past week has been quite difficult. I've referred back to this blog several times over the past several days, re-reading bits of that 40 day hospital stay which would end in Peyton's passing. I have been reflecting on where we were at "this time last year" on several occasions. Ron and I celebrated our 14th anniversary this week, but it's just so different now as we were in a very difficult place at this time last year. We were facing decisions and meeting with an entire medical team to discuss how to proceed. While I have no doubt in my mind that we made our decisions with all the love, respect, and dignity that was due Peyton, you simply cannot imagine the pain and heartbreak that goes along with those unless you have been in that position.
I think, for the most part, the three of us - Ron, Moira, and myself - are doing alright. We all have our "days". Moira frequently talks about how she wishes Peyton didn't have to die. Just the other day, she was saying again that she wishes Peyton didn't have to die so close to her birthday. Moira is as aware of what the month of May brings as we are. A year out, I can say that we have experienced some joy in life again, but the loss is still very fresh in our minds. There is, and always will be, a large piece of our lives missing. Yes, we carry Peyton in our hearts, but her physical presence is so deeply missed.
We have so appreciated the prayers and support we have been given over the past year - more than a year, really. Our heartfelt thanks, once again, to all of the people who rallied around us during Peyton's hospital stay and after her passing. God used so many people in so many ways to support us and lift us up - and He still does. You just cannot possibly know how much your gestures have meant to us. I know things will become easier as time goes on. Life won't ever be the same as it once was, but it will get easier.
We are still just so grateful to all the people who cared for Peyton. There are so many people who were involved in her care and we will always remember them.
If you have a particular memory of Peyton you'd like to share in the comments, I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much!
You can take a look back at her Tribute HERE.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." {Romans 8:28, NIV}
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| May 18, 2006 {3 days old} |
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| October 2013 {17 months old} |
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| Peyton and Daddy - May 3, 2013 |
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| Peyton and Moira - May 3, 2013 |
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| Peyton and Mommy - May 3, 2013 |
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| February 20, 2013 - laughs and smiles while wearing Mommy's glasses |
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